My girlfriend's putting on weight!!! (Edited)
This is something that's been "weighing" on my mind...
Note : [The Bold italicized parts have been put due to the "awesome" replies I got over the weekend!]
The better half's putting on weight and even though she's been promising to do something about it for about more than 2 years... She was already chubby when we got together... I saw the person inside and loved her... She's beautiful... And still remember telling her (in jest... People, stop killing me on that please?) that I'd marry her she she just lost weight... Nothing seems to help and she's actually putting on more fat...
I love her a lot, but somehow her lack of motivation to do just this thing for me really hurts... I just sound like a tape recorder going on and on. Or more like hitting a wall over and over again. (If in reality, I feel I'd have broken a lot of bones, and maybe my skull as well!)
And I really don't know how to support her... We've stopped going outside for dinners too often because I didn't want her to gain fat because of me... (but she goes with her friends now?!) I don't get her any chocolates whatever whatever... I keep asking her if she's done her bit today... I know it's bugging... But... I'm kind of tired of waiting (weighting?)... 2 years is a lot of time I guess...?
She says she does tummy crunches, and is controlling her diet, but then how is it that a T-shirt which fit her ok 6 months ago shows a paunch now? And she blames it on from PMS depression, Premenstrual Bloating, her wide hips, and her now-permanent-fat bottom... Doesn't make snse... There's always some excuse, some alibi, some depression, some blame put on study h
ols and inactivity, and I'm just left thinking "Why can't she just shut up and stop blaming the environment, and do something about it?"
She'll have to lose around 10-15 kgs to reach a normal BMI. Maybe more. Just in case, you were wondering "How much?"...
Her mom's given up, and I'm just thinking I should just give up as well. But this is my problem, as well!!!???
I'm sick and tired of excuses. People tell me to let it be and she'll find a way herself, but I think she's just basking in all the support, and not doing anything.
Excuses+support = disgusted, desperate & tired boyfriend
I gave up something really important to show her that I was ready to sacrifice anything for her to lose weight... People still talk to me about why I missed that event, and I give them some alibi... (I can't tell them why I did that , they'd think I'm a looney, if that's not already a notion flying around...)
I don't know what more to do, or give up, or support her in what way...
Somebody tell me what to do. Or tell her. Is there some FPTTLWA (Fat People Trying To Lose Weight Anonymous) here? (This is what you guys need to answer...)
Luv,
Lost Again
P.S. This is for you, my love... I love you even though you're fat, you're so much more than that, I know it more than anyone... (And I'm still gonna marry you... No matter what!!!!) But I don't think my mom will accept you too quickly though, at the rate you're going. But it ain't over till the 'fat' lady sings, I guess... Shape Up.
59 patients comment:
dude either you are dumber than a emu with lobotomy or have bigger balls than an elephant with a hydrocoel, what can i say.
phycho, i am speechless.
nels, all weight loss has three rules motivation motivation motivation, trust me it don't come by snarky posts. though i must say its your blog and i am a coward.
support apparently does work but not the kind that is overtly understanding.
whatever, i am rambling bec i am in shock.
:-)
hugs.
chink babe at home, says hi.
ciao
me
Ok really,
I'm fat, and I can admit that. But if my husband ever had told me "I'd marry her she she just lost weight", I would have broken up with him in a second. I mean that's just mean. You are obvioulsy more into looks than you think, and may be should be dating someone that is into that as well.
Oh and by the way.... She's never going to lose the weight. Not unless SHE wants to. Bribing her, or telling her to lose it will make it worse. I decided to do something about it, and joined weight watchers. My SUPPORTIVE husband comes with me to meetings, and helps me keep track of my points, and encourages me to get up and get out and move around! I couldn't KEEP doing it without him, but it was my choice to get started. I've lost 30 pounds so far, in a couple of months, and our relationship has improves simply because it's just not a one way street. He can't eat anything I can't eat, and when we go out, I follow my guidelines, and I know he's there to support me. And when dinner rolls around, he's gone to the store and gotten veggies, and fruits, and healthy things for us to eat. You can't do it alone. I couldn't keep doing it without him.
Just to let you know, if I EVER heard my husband call me fat, I would be hurt. We know what we are, you don't have to call us it.
i think anonymous is spot-on, and schizo is right. i don't doubt that you truly care for your girlfriend in your way, but maybe you don't realise that you're as concerned about her weight as your mother is.
I understand the weight's probably the last hurdle you have to cross before you are sure you love her enough to want to marry her. Like Sulz, I don't doubt your love for her but is it a case of "I won't marry her if she's fat" or "I would really like her to be lighter"? I've heard of guys who never ever go out with fat girls and that's downright superficial. I'm sure you're not one of them. :)
You could include jogging as one of your activities together... I've seen many couples jog together at the stadium.
Dude, I don't mean to be judgemental, but that's NOT a nice thing to post about...I mean, support is one thing, and taking out personal issues on a blog is another thing...
Besides, the post makes you come across as a superficial guy, which i'm SURE you're not...
hey, what was that about... ur girl fren is a babe .. fat or no fat.
why should u want her lighter. it'll give you that much more to cuddle.
and this post only show's how bothered you are that she is fat. i'll just stick to plump. i mean this time, ny boy fren asked mt lose some weight. but dude... i still can't figure what you were aiming at with this post. suggestions?
hey bud. you have almost been trolled. :-)
so has lady love red this yet? would love to see her expression and reaction, send her my hugs.
ciao
hello.... taking each comment one by one...
@schizo : you're calling me foolish (emu thing) and reckless (the elephant thing)...
Chinky girl's at your home????!!!! Wow!!! Has she asked for your hand in marriage to your parents? Or is she scouting out, still weighing the pros and cons? ;-)
@Anonymous : I told her that before we even got together... Ok? Take no offence on that please?
Thank God you have a supportive husband... :-)... I'd do that too, I swear, if we were married... She's got a gym membership which she prefers using (every two months) & I don't think jogging together in this closed college community will be possible. the gym has a treadmill though.
@sulz : I am concerned. I have a right. I've answered to your post on my dilemma as well... Thank you for the support @ http://sulz.wordpress.com/2007/03/12/would-you-still-love-your-girlfriend-if-she-gets-fatter/
@lovelyloey : I'm a nice guy! I'm not the bad villian in Hindi movies... I want her to be lighter. That's it. Thanks.
@terra shield : thanks... but not yet. reasons above.
@PS : I am superficial. So? I know I'm deep. So? I have a problem, dude!!! I want you to tell me what to do, and not criticize what I am. Don't be judgemental... I might as well submit each post I write to a blog critic before it otherwise.
This is a personal issue maybe, but I'm sure there are other 'superficial' guys like me who need to know that they're ok... And that they need to just hold on and keep motivating their girlfriends... :-)
@madhuri : I know she's hot. I just wanted her to be lighter. And it's something she also recognises that needs to be done. Only thing is that she's not doing it. The aim of this post? Just this. She's fat/plump/whatever, and I need ways to motivate her. So help me, talk to her, will ya?
@schizo : and Lady Love hasn't seen this yet. So, that's that. Meanwhile disaster management has been undertaken : Preparing to get set to live in restroom till she cools down after reading this.
So what if I've been trolled. I like! Is Nice! They hate me enough to comment. ;-)
hey man,
i aint gonna make any judgements and stuff and offer relationship advice....
but as a member of the plumper sizes, i must say it aint that easy brother,
and just because you've got a constitution that metabs stuff more efficiently (or inefficiently) it aint cool.....
basically i'm tryin to say it aint easy man
gupta
@RG : I know it ain't easy. I just need effort from her. I'm not being judgmental. It's just that I feel it's a lack of effort, even though she knows she has to lose weight.
And about you, I love you just the way you are and so do all the 150 girlfriends you have @ Womens hostel and the 180 dudes in Mens Hostel. ;-)...
And you need to lost weight as well I guess... But you need to realise that personally. And do something about it. That's the point I'm trying to make. She's realised it, but isn't doing much about it.
And don't use your name. use RG or something.
Thanks. Now take her to dinner. You know who. ;-)
ok, your right noted. =) hope it works out...
it will... nothing's wrong... thanks again.
hey ppl...
i'm amazed at the support... and guess wat??? the miracle happened even before i read this post... i've actually decided on my own initiative to do the needful [lose wt that is... not break up - @anonymous ;)] anyways... i really want this effort to last...
and yeah sometimes i do think you're an as#*%@$e nelsy but... i guess it takes all types!!!
schizo i love you... you're my true supportive big brother!!!
my kisses to you all!!!
p.s. madz... thanks da...
:-p
see? in the end, i'm the victim. i'm the person getting abused and what not. :-(
hi,
since you're a med student you know better than i do, but i wonder whether she has some kind of hormone problems, like hypothyroid. i've heard that it causes weight gain..
ah... thank you for a medical perspective on it... (finally this comes back to the medicine.) But it's not my friend, she doesn't have any metabolic, hormonal, endocrine problems that I know of. And don't scare her now... :-)
Clearly Nelsonnium, she has to do it for herself and no one else and if as you say she doesn't have any physical problem to speak of maybe it points to an emotional problem, all I mean is lack of self-confidence.
Having said that clearly someone lacking self-confidence only rejects your kind of admonishments. I am not saying just let it slide because that would mean you don't really care about her, you're indifferent and that is worse than hate. Being overweight is not healthy.
I have never been a thin girl but have always felt confident in myself and when I have gained weight managed to lose it simply by activity, diets don't work and actually damage our system. What seems to work best for me is physical activity and eating smaller meals - I used to be a real glutton and would overeat and now I eat smaller meals more frequently and my body is so much HAPPIER! :)
We have a deal about the link exchange and will add you tomorrow!
Hugz to you and your darling!
Tisha
Before you get married to ANYONE, ask yourself a few questions:
1. What thing bugs me the most about this person now?
2. If that thing gets worse, not better, after marriage would I still want to be married to this person?
3. Am I deluding myself into thinking my spouse will change positively after we get married?
Yes, some chubby people eventually lose weight. But the odds are 95:1 against it. You're a med student, you know this.
Can you live with her if she gains another 5-10kg? Cause she's likely to gain at least that much over the next 5 years.
10 bucks (Rupees) says this will hit 50 comments! Nelson macha... nee maatine nalla!
10 bucks ... that's all?
anyway's looks like evry ones' rotating around the same idea.
and i'll vouch for ur gurl. she has been trying latly. but just so u and ur gurl knows... i wouldn't like her one ounce less. i know i'm not helping, but that's coz' i'm being selfish...
good luck both of u...
u're gurl has lots of patience i must say!!
Maybe she's not losing weight as much as you liked because she's deliberating/unconsciously challenging you - to check if you would really marry her even if she were fat?
Sometimes we get opposite reaction for what we ask.
Don't stop doing the things you two love like going for lunch or dinner. Just choose the lighter version of food :)
Try eat more frequently but less amount each time. Less rice and carbo. Drink lots of water. It works.
Oh yeah, Diet Light uses colours to manipulate your appetite. Believe it or not.. no harm trying
hey heh, to make dhruva loose 10 bucks, lets push em to 50, heh heh....
and as far as loosing weight and making effort goes, its always only the one who'w trying who knows how tough it be
and as far as i'm concerned, theres really no hope left, even if i do loose weight i'll die at 40 instead of 35 now.......only the good die young?
@kevin scott 95:1 i dont think so buddy
Due to the bet, I shall myself do my best and get this comments thing to 50 by answering everybody comment by comment... Thanks to Tisha for the idea. ;-)
@ Tisha... THanks for the tip. The gf is doing that currently buoyed on by idea from you.
@kevin scott - my friend!!! Let us not be so negative, shall we? my goodness... 95:1? is this some negative encouragement thing you're thying here? You know... You tell somebody something negative to make them do the opposite (maybe for their own good?).. Dude... Give them a chance. Be a man. Do the right thing.
Of course she's gonna put on weight after getting married... It's the blessing of a happy marriage, it's the curse as well...
I'll live with it, after I get her to the gym.
@dhrugeese - get the 10 bucks ready. ;-)
@madz - yes, i understand. But she's gonna live with me and not you. so I'd prefer her with those pounds off. unless, you're planning to steal her away to use her as a pillow/other ulterior motive. ;-)
@mj - thank you for the Diet Light idea. if you could also let me know how you link to things in the comments, i'd be grateful... I just can't seem to get that right.
the gf's notebook is slowly getting filled with tips, ideas etc... And she's still scribbling... Thank you!
@rg - raaagul betey this will hit the 50 number soon. Hopefully. In the meantime, tu swaaatter pehno.
Don't worry... You'll surely live longer than me dude... You're still veg!!!! ;-)... Watch the cheese and you'll be fine, unless you've got cheese clogging your coronaries already... Heh heh.
you ink the comments by using html tags
< a href=¨http://thelink¨>the text< / a >
remove the spaces between < and a and < and /, / and a and a and>
ciao
so it will look like
schizo
My Blog
thank you my friend! I tried that, it didn't work... maybe i'll try it again.
testing!
Find Me @ Musings Of A Med Student :-)
IT WORKS! (This is just a ploy for that 50 bucks btw...)
Heh Heh... 10 bucks. Gotcha!
You know, the elephant balls thing does hold some weight in this argument.
Now, perhaps I'm a little biased. Let's look at this from my perspective. I have a girlfriend, and she means the absolute world to me. But I have the opposite problem you do. You don't seem to be in to the "girls with meat on their bones" thing, but I am. I'm trying desperately to convince my girlfriend to see herself for the beautiful woman she is, because I don't want her to start doing the weight-yoyo thing, and frankly, she doesnt have to. She's not a stick, but she's hardly unhealthy.
Now , if I took the approach you're taking: "honey, I love you, but if you don't keep the weight, I dont think I'm going to marry you", not only would I be girlfriendless, but then I too would have balls the size of an elephant but for a different reason.
If you love her, you should support her without strings attached. Thats your problem right there. If you say you'll do one thing, but on the other hand, you'll do the opposite if the plan doesn't work out to your satisfaction, then you, my friend, have proven yourself to be much worse off than she, for anyone with extra weight can certainly shed such weight, but fixing one's morals is something entirely different.
Dear Anon-i-mouse - Wow. You really need to chill out. Thank you for the valuable comments... And you really need to see my girlfriend to know what you're talking about. I'm not into the Kate Moss like skeleton wannas. Maybe my morals are wrong, but she needs to prove that anyone with extra weight can actually lose it.
Maybe it's better that you find out now. My girlfriend was cute, pleasantly plump, but kept her wight in check. After we got married she started eating more and snacking and started to swell up like a water balloon. Wish I had known what was coming.
@ anon-i-came to know nows - dude, shit happens. my condolences.
I found this site because my girlfriend is having the exact same problem. I love her, but I don't want to make a long term commitment to someone that is not healthy in mind, body, and spirit. Looks are part of the problem, health is the other part. I don't want to end up with a person that has health issues. I am going to tell her we are not compatible due to our work differences. If that does not work, I am going to be more aware of who I spend my time with.
hey man, i kinda know how you feel. i started going out with my girlfriend about 6 months ago, she was on the more cuddly side back then but i wouldnt have called her overweight... i liked it i thought it was cute :] as our relationship progressed she started to gain weight... and now i guess her BMI must be around 29. i guess you could call me superficial but in the same way some rounder people say they were "born to be fat" maybe some people are born more superfical... i know how much i care about whats inside im deep sensetive and thoughtfull.. so please dont tell me i need to get my priorities right or anything like that.
the thing is with her gaining this weight im slowly becoming less attracted to her even tho i still like her as a person, her apperence is affecting our relationship as a whole. her mother is very large and her father is slightly overweight too, this worries me and makes me think that that problem is only going to get worse, but then her brother is thin and athletic which makes me think she doesn't have to follow in the footsteps of her mother if she doesn't want to.
i have not talked properly to her about her weight, but i think she knows its an issue for me, but i accidently called her tubby once (we were jokingly insulting eachother, she saw it as like a low blow.) and i could see how much it upset her, which makes it difficult to talk to her about it.
im really not sure what to do.. i think im falling in love with her but in my case im afraid love really isnt blind. i think that maybe if i was even able to talk to her about it, it might take the strain of the other aspects of our relationship that it is affecting.. like the fact that she quit smoking, although she said she wanted to do it for herslef recent events where she was trying to smoke in the toilet behind my back whilst i was out with her, make me think that she is obviously only doing it to keep me happy, we almost split up after this i told her i wasnt happy and that the smoking wasn't the only think that was making me feel like that... she said she would never smoke again if it would cause us to split up, i told her that she obviously wants to smoke and im not out to change anyone.. (i smoked for 5 years a few years back, so dont tell me i dont understand how hard it is to quit.) that made me more confused becuase wanting her to loose some weight is exactly that, trying to change her. i really dont know what to do... she has told me she loves me, i have yet to say it back. i think deep down i do but with these things bothering me i just dont know what to do...
thanks for any advice anyone can give me in advance... i know im supposed to be posting advice for you lost but this is the only place i found that i can talk to people annonomusly about a similar sbject.
thanks.
Dime
Dear Dime...
Feel free to use any of the advice up here... I shall get back to you after thinking about my answer to you bro. :-)
Dear Anonymous before Dime,
The decision to stick on or leave is yours my friend... Sacrifice is an essential part of any relationship... Even if leaving her means it'll make you happy.
Dime...
You need to think down ten years down the line... Both of you need to sit down and re-evaluate... Think about everything that's bothering you guys, the fat, the cigarettes, the whatever... And decide what's important... It's obvious there is a lot of sacrifices to be made... I do hope your girl finds it worthwhile to keep the relationship on by making an effort, and you making an effort by helping her out... If not... Leave.
I went through the same thing your going throught kinda. My X-girlfriend and I had been together for roughly 5 years. I started getting into being healthy. I stopped smoking and eating fast food and drinking pop. To make a long story short. I wasn't into her enough to look past the smoking and the extra weight. So I dumped her and it was the most painful thing I've went though. (it wasn't a good time for her either)But I'm sure it was the right thing to do. We are just too diffirent. And whats the alternitive? Get married? yea that would have worked well. Now I date more attractive women. so I sudjest lose the fat chick. It may take a while but you'll be fine. P.S. don't wait to start dating.
@ anonym-ouch! - whatever makes you happy my friend. thank you for the suggestion and hope you've got a great life ahead...
wow, i feel horrible for your girfriend. if you think she soo "pretty" than why the hell should weight matter? by calling her fat and doing things that suggest shes fat from the one she loves the most. your stressing her out. you cant MAKE her lose weight, stop being a dickhead (excuse my french).
it her body, her choices. you have to respect that asshole.
hi anon-asshole - You think you can come here and say whatever you want and can get away with it? Well dude/dudette just f*ck off. You can't say anything on this matter since you're a lazy piece of an excuse of a fat lump just like how she's become. You can't get away with calling me names on my ffffing blog ok? I don't even know you. So get lost you retard pussyface (Don't forgive my GUTTER, I meant all I said to you.) Loser.
And my gf's decided not to lose weight. Thanks for all the advice. NOT!
ok. Dhruva owes me 10 bucks btw people.
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That's awesome news that your gf has decided not to lose the weight. And if you dump her for it, that's awesome too because that's just one more fish in the sea for the rest of us.
Here's the thing you gotta realize, and you can only do this by being mature - you have to look down the road 5, 10, 15 years and picture yourself with your significant other. There are no guarantees in life - just because someone is skinny now doesn't mean they'll be skinny in 10 years. The same goes for someone who is fat. People change - its a fact of life. They change physically and they change emotionally as well as maturity. Requiring your gf to lose weight is definitely not mature...loving her for the person she is, is mature.
If you can't accept her for the way she is, the problem lies with YOU my friend, and not with her. Here's a scenario - say you do something that she doesn't like....like you watch football with the guys on Monday nights...and you get drunk and rowdy all the time. How would you feel if she told you that she thinks you're a moron when you do that and she will only marry you if you change your ways?
I'm sorry dude, but it sounds like you are being narcissistic and egocentric. You seem to only be concerned about yourself and your needs. What about her needs? You already said she's trying to quick smoking (apparently to please you no less) - have you ever thought that maybe that's the reason she's put on some weight? Its a common thing for people to put on weight while trying to quit smoking. You can't have everything.
My suggestion is this - if you are so hung up on having the perfect barbie for a gf, you should stay single (never marry) and just be a gigolo - this way when your current squeeze packs on too many pounds, you can move on to the next best thing you find at a lower weight. But mind you, this will be a never-ending cycle because with today's society, its almost guaranteed that the girl will gain weight, much to your chagrin.
@ Anon-bleagh! - thanks... hmmm.... gigolo... one of those professions you've tried before? how much does it pay?
many people responded to you by calling you immature, shallow etc.
More said that if you "Really" loved her you would ignore the cellulite. Here's my opinion. Don't you think it says something about a person when they are grossly overweight and have no real medical reason for it? Does it say something about wether or not they take pride in themselves? Does the fact that someone is obese actually have something to do with thier personality? Quite probably. again, it only applies if ther is no medical reason for it.
hey, its dime again.. was clearing out my favorites and came across this from way back...
just letting you know that me an my fat ex split about 4 months ago, for reasons other than the fat issue.. since then I've been at university having the time of my life.. its great, I've met tonnes of nice pretty healthy and slim girls and im sure ill find someone better suited to me and my healthier lifestyle soon enough.
i saw my ex recently and as to my surprise (not!) she has put on more weight. we are still friends which makes me happy but we were just not suited for each other romantically.
i felt like i would regret the split... but looking back it was the correct decision to make. it was hard at first but now i see that feeling the way i did in that relationship wasn't right. not sure if ur still with ur girl or anything, just thought id give you an update on my situation.
cheers
Dime
I got caught smoking by my mother. You know what she did? She bought me a carton of smokes and had me chain smoke till I was suppose to puke. It didn't work, I never puked. It didn't take long until I saw the light. I didn't see the point in smoking cigarettes. You could try to force food down her throat until she can't take it anymore or you can accept her. Being overweight is unhealthy and not to mention you lose the sexual charge.
Work harder.
Your choice guy.
Fatten up so you look the same. That is true love. Everything else is Shallow Hal.
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